Can I Get A Hug?

Yesterday, while I was waiting in a long line at the aforementioned shrine to salad, something odd happened. I was debating whether I really wanted to spend half an hour inching forward---for the privilege of buying a ten-dollar bowl of leaves---when the stranger behind me said in a sprightly voice:

"Can I get a hug?"

He kind of mumbled it, so I didn't quite understand him at first. And just as my brain was whipping out its decoder ring to decipher what he was saying, his own brain was registering my puzzled, unfamiliar face and sounding the alarm. Systems error! Retreat! Retreat!

He apologized profusely and explained that he worked in the office across the street, and from fifteen stories up I looked a lot like his cousin, so he had rushed down to greet me with a hug. Which I would not be getting now. He said he was sorry again, and then disappeared into the crush of people moving down the sidewalk.

All of which triggered the following thoughts about hugs:

1) I didn't hug anyone yesterday. I'll probably get a couple of hugs today, because I'm going to dinner and a play with some friends from work, and evening goodbyes usually include hugs. But after that I may not get a hug until the next time I visit San Jose, which could be weeks from now. That's craziness, people. If Kaiser Permanente really wanted people to thrive, they would station designated huggers throughout the city for the hugless among us.

2) Not all hugs are created equal. My friend Kisa, for example, is a world-class hugger. She always hugs you tight and close, and she's never the first to let go. No cursory back pats, no bump-and-runs. I should work on being a better hugger. I think it's a valuable skill to bring to any relationship.

3) Does anyone remember the video for "Every Day" by the Dave Matthews Band? It features a guy who walks through the streets of a city, offering hugs to everyone he encounters. Would you accept a hug from a stranger? Would you feel safer if that stranger was accompanied by a film crew?

4) For the ladies: I read an interview recently with neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine, who just published a book on women's brains. Here are her two cents on women and hugs:

Research shows that the female brain naturally releases oxytocin after a 20-second hug. The embrace bonds the huggers and triggers the brain's trust circuits. So Brizendine advises, don't let a guy hug you unless you plan to trust him.
"And if you do," she said, "make sure it lasts 20 seconds."

If you have huggy thoughts to share, please do. And then go hug somebody.